I, your dog-author friend, have a happy announcement that, I believe, will make your Christmas brighter, your spirits happier, your steps easy and your burdens light.
At least that’s what I think my book will do for you! They say I am an arrogant dog, but why not? I have a lot to offer to you humans.
My Christmas gift to you is more wisdom of the Whacknoodle family, a true Whacknoodle Family Christmas extravaganza, and it’s only 99 cents! It’s The Christmas Hayride of Doom! and it’s my fourth book!
I am a very excited dog-author. Hyper-wags of joy all round!
Ninety-nine cents! I am amazed! How can that be? My marketing department, which is also my translator, must be crazy.
But it’s Christmastime, so we’ll call it the Whacknoodle Family’s gift to you, the reader.
If you are one of the thousands of people who happily read The Dogs’ Christmas Carol last year, you’ll remember how hard my father, Par, worked to bring the spirit of Christmas to the people of Dahlonegee.
And if you read that book, you know how the dogs’ plans to sing Christmas songs all over town ended up with Mr. Wimpy (Par’s enemy) destroying all the Christmas decorations in his yard as he tried to catch Par.
THAT was a Christmas the town will never forget.
And, of course, there was the massive mashed-potato explosion, which was really just a small calculation error. But if you’ve already read the book, then you know all about that.
Well, for this year, I decided to write more Christmas stories to try to teach humans how to be happier—to be more like dogs. Because, as you know, humans are not happy at Christmastime as they rush around, frowning, scowling, and blowing their horns at each other. Here’s a picture from my book that shows what I mean.
THIS year’s happy stories are about the return of ‘The Twelve Dogs of Christmas” dog quartet, and their plans for a really, really big concert. Par even wrote special words to one of your human Christmas songs, and I’ll write about that tomorrow.
For now, I’ll just say that the concert doesn’t go quite as well as the dogs had hoped.
But wait! My family knows how to make the best of any situation, and just because the police arrive doesn’t even put a damper on the dogs’ enthusiasm.
So the good news is that Par and the other dogs evade the police, and put on a spectacular ninja-dog escape show for all the people at the Christmas festival. Right there on the stage, the dogs whiz and leap around, bobbing and doing the ‘stop and scoot’ and all the other fancy escape maneuvers we invented.
Soon, the people are cheering, “Go, Dog, Go! Go, Dogs, Go!” as the dogs whiz around the stage with the bumbling police falling and yelling as they desperately grab for the happy dogs.
(I won’t even tell you what happens to the police chief, but he is lit up in a MOST unusual way, and it serves him right for interrupting the dogs’ concert!)
Then, after more human foolishness, and yet another big police chase, my adventurous and fearless father, Par Whack, takes the police AND his enemy, the pompous Mr. Wimpy, on the Hayride of Doom.
THAT is a night the town of Dahlonegee will never forget, and if you’ll read my new Christmas book, YOU will have a happier Christmas too.
I know you will, because Par Whack’s escapades will make you smile.
And, at Christmastime, especially, all smiles are good, like a gift from Jolly Old St. NickleHouse himself.
Jolly Old Saint Nicklehouse will be very pleased about your new book, Perdita.