OK, I am a dog. A dog-author, to be exact. My methodology is simply to transmit my thought-particles into my translator’s somewhat limited human brain. Then he does all that busy-work to turn my pristine thoughts and stories into books.
Seems easy enough to me. I’ve done the heavy lifting. I’ve finished the hard part. I’ve just handed him the brilliant, exciting, uplifting, possibly humorous stories on a silver platter, as it were.
So, you’d think the book would be finished. A piece of cake. A done deal. Wham, bam, thank you ma’am.
But alas. Not so. It’s agony and we go through this every time.
I ask, “Is my masterpiece finished?” And my scribe says, “Oh, no, Perdita! We are just beginning the hard part.
I think that is a little insulting, don’t you? WHY would my stories need editing? What is THAT all about? I believe the hard part is what I do–the heavy lifting is coming up with the stories in the first place.
My scribe sighs as if this is really hard to explain. “Oh, Perdita, we have to go over everything several times. We have to replace weak words with better words, and fix the punctuation, especially the commas.
The commas? The commas? “ESPECIALLY the commas?”
Well, whatever. I take it as just another way we dogs are superior. Humans worry about minutia, such petty things as commas. But dogs don’t.
We dogs, of course, are above all that. We just communicate pure thoughts, and if humans want to waste time worrying about “commas,” well, I guess that’s OK. It’s probably the best they can do.
If it makes them feel useful, or important, or productive, then I guess the obsession with words and punctuationals, and all that stuff, is just something I’ll have to live with.
But I know that, sooner or later, my scribe will finally be done, the brilliant artist will be complete her illustrations, and my next book will burst forth to transform the world and enlighten humans everywhere.
And cause lots of giggles from the back seat. I don’t understand exactly what that means, but my scribe swears it’s what’s happening.
He may still be obsessing about commas, but now at least we have a TITLE for the next book, and it’s one my scribe picked out by himself. I’m proud of him.
So, coming soon to a Kindle (and, in this case, Nook, or iPad, Kobo or whatever) near you will be my fourth most excellent book.
It’s called May Contain Nuts.
But, this time, that’s not a warning. It’s a promise!