One of my themes, as a dog writer, is that humans should learn from dogs. Oh, of course humans are sadly limited, and sometimes there’s not much they can learn but it’s our obligation to try to help them.

So, imagine how happy I am to report that my human scribe is trying to speak Bark!

AND that it’s working for him! Now, every time he calls AT&T or his bank or the cable TV company, I can hear him barking into the phone.

(Of course, ANY dog would be embarrassed to make such pathetic attempts. Humans, perhaps, can learn French or Italian, or maybe even Chinese . . . but those languages are simple compared to the complexity and tonal sublety of Bark.)

Nonetheless, here’s what I heard over my scribe’s speakerphone yesterday.

Computer voice from the phone: “Thank you for calling AT&T. Please press one for English. . .”

My scribe: “Bark, BARK, BARK!!”

Computer voice: “Please press one for customer service, two to get your latest . . .”

My scribe: “WoofWoofWoof! Yap, Yap, BAAAAARRK!

Computer voice: “Please press one for customer service, two to get your latest . . .”

I was sad about my scribe’s pathetic accent, of course, but I give him credit for trying such a difficult language. He didn’t give up!

My scribe: “Barrk! BARK! BAARRRKK!!!”

Computer voice: “I’m sorry. I cannot understand you. Please hold for an attendant who can help.”

And then my scribe smiles and very soon a nice human answers and my scribe doesn’t have to punch any more numbers of wait very long.

I WISH he could pick up more of the beauty of Bark, of course, and his accent will never be better than sort of a pidgin level of Bark . . . but he IS trying to speak our language.

I don’t know why, but humans seem to resist learning from us, so it makes me very happy to see my scribe has learned how effective persistent barking can be at getting what you want.

EVEN from a stupid human computer!

BARK rocks!