So I’ve been concerned about their health, and how I might help them avoid illness. I’m just that kind of thoughtful dog.
Of course, I sometimes think about my own food, and the things I really like to eat. What always comes to my mind is steak!
Oh, yes! Even though I don’t often have the chance to enjoy a big, juicy, perfectly-cooked steak, I am always alert for opportunity. If you’ve read my books, you know how much I learned about living the good life from my dear father, Par Whack.
But, this is not about me and my love for steak. Not at all.
I know my humans are obsessed about their health. They yap on and on about their cholesterol, their fat, their weight, and their diets. (You’ll never hear dogs moan about such stuff, by the way.)
Often, they even complain that they eat too much meat, which is something I don’t even try to understand. Utter foolishness, of course.
So, as a way to help them maintain their silly diets, or control their cholesterol, AND help them eat less meat, I performed a perfect snatch-and-run last night. It was a thing of beauty and a joy to behold, I’m sure, and I owe my flawless technique to many hours watching Par in action.
I’ve described many snatch-and-runs in my books (and also some simple grab-and-go events, too), so I won’t go into the details here except to say that the SNR is an advanced technique that requires much study and practice.
The key, of course, is the art of misdirection. You don’t want the humans to have any inkling of what you’re planning, or they’ll put you out in the yard. So, as an example, last night they had some friends over, cooked gigantic steaks on their grill, and I pretended not to even notice what they were doing.
I’m no dummy, you know. Even though it was very, very hard, I pretended to be fast asleep and when they all finally went inside for dinner, I lay on the rug by the door and pretended to snore. I waited until they were lulled into a sense of utter complacency, not even noticing me, and then I pounced!
I’m not a small dog, but I’m very fast! Before the humans had a clue what was going on, I stood up by the table on my hind legs, did a small jump, and snatched a perfect steak right off one of the guest’s plates. Boy, were they surprised!
Also they were mad, of course, but before they even realized what I’d done, I was out the back door, behind my favorite bush, doing a hyper-speed-chomp.
As I expected, the humans rushed out of the house looking for me. By the time they found me, I’d finished that steak. Though the meal was hurried, it was very, very good.
Oh, they were mad. Very, very mad. They said some ugly things, but a full stomach makes it easier to bear harsh words.
(Another important thing I learned from Par is this–soon, the humans will get over it. It will just take a day or two, and they’ll forget all about my magnificent snatch!)
But I’m telling you the truth when I say that I think I did them a favor, which makes their anger hard to understand. IF they worry about eating too much meat, which is what I hear them say all the time, didn’t I help them by removing temptation from their dinner plate?
Shouldn’t they be thanking me? Because it is very possible that the steak I snatched saved that person from a fat and cholesterol overload that might have ended her life.
And, to tell you the truth, I thought I’d die if I didn’t have a steak last night, after savoring the wonderful aroma while they were cooking. So, I think I saved that human’s life AND my own.
That’s two lives saved! I’m not bragging, but I do think it was a good deed I did.
And I know it was a good steak!