As your dog author and commentator, I try to point out odd things that humans do.

Of course, there are SO many odd human things that I hardly know where to begin, but I will point out what I have been hearing all day.

Humans keep saying “Happy New Ear!” to each other. They say it to everyone they meet. I find this mystifying.

So I ponder, what could this mean? “Happy New Ear,” they say. Over and over. “Happy New Ear.”

I have concluded that humans KNOW that their ears are almost worthless, compared to ours. (I am not saying this to make you feel bad. I’m simply pointing out the obvious.)

Sometimes I don’t even think my humans can hear at all, because they try to shush me when I’m just responding to the evening bark-around from way down the street. They don’t hear crickets. They don’t hear cats walking by. The NEVER hear Roscoe’s beautiful evening howl from two streets over.

Thus, I have concluded that you humans need new ears!

So . . . could it be . . . could it possibly be that humans will somehow actually GET new ears today? I’m not sure how that would work, but I think it would help a lot.

And after that, maybe they can get some Happy New Noses. Goodness knows, I’ve never met a human who could smell a squirrel from a foot away!

I will watch, hope, and report!

In the meantime, Happy New Ear to everyone from Perdita Whacknoodle, dog author, writing from the big back yard.