A Dog Quote To Remember. Perdita Gives a Bark-Out

Posted on November 29, 2012 by whacknoodle

My humans are fans of a properly named restaurant in Gainesville, Georgia. A person of obvious wisdom called it the Two Dog Cafe, although even one dog would have been enough, if you ask me.

I believe these humans are wiser than the average, because they always have a brilliant, and helpful, A wise saying about the wisdom of living with dogsobservation about us dogs posted on the wall.  And it’s in a nice frame which gives it the respect such an idea deserves.

My humans find great inspiration in this, and I am giving a bark-out to the exceptionally discerning humans who know our place–which is obviously a place of esteem, and who celebrate dogs this way.

I wouldn’t be surprised if they soon have a statue of a dog out front. If they need a model, a perfect canine head, I am available. For a small fee, of course.

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‘The Bark.’ My Haiku For Today

Posted on November 28, 2012 by whacknoodle

Perdita Whacknoodle, dog poet and dog writerLike all great poets, I am inspired by daily events.

And like all dogs, I always keep up with all the news through the network. Of course, humans can’t understand how complex our system is, so I write poems to help you see.

Today, haiku.

The Bark

 haiku, by Perdita Whacknoodle, dog poet

A sound, faint as the

Scent of yesterday’s bacon.

Yes! I know that bark!

Far down, at street’s end,

Butch the boxer tells the news,

No cat goes unremark’d.

His report is full,

He spills the beans. As always.

We dogs understand.

So now I will sleep,

Knowing all the latest news.

No worries at all.

I hope you enjoyed my poem today. Of course, I am mostly a writer of stories about my family (and my opinions about the world). But sometimes, I just find that a poem erupts.

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My Sonnet for The Day: The Cat Who Preens Outside the Fence

Posted on November 27, 2012 by whacknoodle

Perdita WhacknoodleIt is harder for a dog to be a writer than for a human. All the human has to do is wander to the computer and whack away, but I have to wait until I can transmit my opus to my translator, and he is, oddly, not always available. Sometimes he’s not even here! (I think his priorities need adjusting, if you ask me.)

For today’s poem, I have been contemplating the anathema, the horror, the insult that I often encounter when I go on patrol in the big back yard.

So I have brought forth a sonnet. I don’t like to brag, but I don’t think most dogs have written many sonnets. So I am going to take it easy for the rest of the day. I think I’ve earned it.

Perdita’s Sonnet 1

The Cat Who Preens Outside the Fence

I know there are some human beans who say

We all must get along. And I agree

Until I go into the big backyard

And see a vision from my darkest dream.

Since I’m a dog, I do not seem, but am

At one with all the wondrous great outdoors.

Today it rains, but I don’t care because

I’ll be out in the air, the dirt, the smells,

But wait! I see that awful cat who spits

At me, (but only from the safety of

The other side. The fence, you see, he thinks

Is his security.) He sits right there

And smirks at me, and gloats, and preens and then

He says the most insulting things. I seethe!

But one fine day the garden gate will be

Ajar! We’ll see who wins when I am free!

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Another Poem About A Day In My Dog Life

Posted on November 26, 2012 by whacknoodle

Perdita WhacknoodleYou know I am a dog writer of books, and sometimes I am even a poet. And you know what they say–writing poetry is hard because you have to sweat over every word to be sure it’s perfect. (Of course dogs don’t sweat, so I pant over every word.)

Like other great poets, I write profound verse about the mundane things of everyday life, looking for inspiration where I can find it. I hope this will uplift you and brighten your day. At least it is something to ponder.

As I gazed into my bowl this morning, I thought about the vast emptiness and the lack of fulfillment that comes from wretched dog chow.

And then I dreamed a dream! And a poem came forth . . .

I think that I will never see

My dish, as full as it should be.

The mush that is within it heaped,

Makes me depressed. I just want beef!

If you like my poem, let me know . . . and send me some beef! I can’t be inspired by this mush they give me around here.

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I Am A Poetic Dog. A Thanksgiving Haiku

Posted on November 23, 2012 by whacknoodle

Perdita WhacknoodleSome days I feel proseish (but not prosaic!), but today I am inspired by what happened in my dog bowl today, so I burst forth with a perfect Haiku.

Some say I am bragging on myself but I do not see it that way. I think my poems are better than those of any other dog author I have read. Let me know if you find one who is better and I will sit at his or her paws and learn. Here is my poem for today, as I reflect on the empty-dish conundrum.

My dish, with turkey

Filled. A dream before my eyes.

I lunge. Poof! All gone.

That’s what makes us writer dogs different. We notice things. We are sensitive.

I hope you enjoyed it. Please share with your dogs. They will understand.

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A Word About Mr. Wimpy and Par

Posted on November 21, 2012 by whacknoodle

When you read my books, you will soon learn about Mr. Wimpy, the principal of the school Mr. Wimpy, Par's nemisisin Dahlonegee. He is sort of fat, and very pompous, and he does NOT like dogs.

That, of course, means that we dogs do NOT like him.

Par, my adventurous father, decided to join the jolly Thanksgiving Pageant at school because he knew the Pigeons and Indians would have had a friendly dog, but Mr. Wimpy stormed up on the stage and tried to catch Par.

Of course, THAT was a mistake, and soon the police, Farmer and other people were chasing him while the children cheered for Par. Not only did Par’s exciting part make the play more entertaining, but it gave him a chance to demonstrate some of our sophisticated escape techniques.

Chaos at the Thanksgiving PageantYou’ll be amazed to find out how the story ends, and what made Par happiest of all (even more than the Thanksgiving turkey, if you can believe it!). It’s called The Thanksgiving Pageant of Doom, but it’s only one of the many stories about my illustrious dog family in my first book.

Some humans say my kindle books are funny, but I think they are wise and exciting.

What do you think?

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Want to Know What Dogs REALLY Think?

Posted on November 20, 2012 by whacknoodle

Perdita WhacknoodleIf you, dear human, want to know what dogs really think, you can find out, because my first two books are now available for the Kindle (and Kindle apps). Since I don’t actually read, I’m not exactly sure what those things are, but my scribe seems quite happy about it.

He is SO happy that he has temporarily lost his mind anPerdita's Book on Kindle Fired made the books insanely cheap. That means you can get inside, secret dog information about the beautiful language of Bark, read one of my psychologer case studies, learn about the protective value of dirt . . . and read many, many exciting stories of my most unusual relatives.

The stories about my swashbuckling father, Par Whack, will leave you begging for more, as you learn how he stole a garbage truck all by himself, joined the Thanksgiving Pageant at the school and nabbed a golden-brown turkey, got a hole in one with Mr. Wimpy’s golf ball, and created a shockingly colorful spectacle with fruits and vegetables at the Fourth of July Pageant.

(For some reason, most of Par’s adventures end in a big police chase, but Par ALWAYS wins. In fact, you can even read about what happened to the evil dogcatcher’s truck the Par Whack, the "Most Wanted Dog"night I was born. It is very, very exciting, and you’ll understand why Par is the “Most Wanted Dog” by authorities everywhere.)

The humans say my books are funny–but I know they are wise and deep. If you have a Kindle, check out my books. You probably don’t have any others BY dogs in your collection . . . do you?

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The Literary World Is About to Explode

Posted on November 19, 2012 by whacknoodle

Some say I am an arrogant dog. Others say I am delusional. I know . . . I have heard the comments.

Perdita WhacknoodleBut talk doesn’t bother me because I am, as far as I can tell, the smartest dog in the world. And, obviously, all dogs are smarter than humans–that’s why we have humans to wait on us, of course.

Finally, at long last, the wait is over. Or almost over. Because my scribe says he has finished “editing” my first two books (which are about my attempts to educate Laoorel and help her become a smarter human). In my opinion, the books were already perfect as I dictated them, but he keeps muttering about “commas.” As if THAT’S important!

My books are mostly stories about my large and exceptional family and the amazing things we do. Adventurers, explorer-dogs, wise dogs, talkative dogs, and the world’s first “most wanted” outlaw dog! There is much to learn from my stories, I can tell you.

Soon, these books will be available for the Kindle, and I know the literary world will be agog. Or something very close to “agog.”

You’ll see!

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Soon The Literary World Will Explode

Posted on November 16, 2012 by whacknoodle

Yes, my human scribe CLAIMS to be moving quickly. He SAYS my first two books are almost finished–something about commas. (I think he is obsessed with commas. I don’t know why. I don’t use them when I dictate.)

Once my books aPerdita Whacknoodlere done, they will revolutionize the literary world, and the dog world, and quite possibly the world in genera–because I will tell the truth about so much. Revelations! Secret dog knowledge revealed! Proclamations! Exciting stories that make James Bond look like a beginner.

And advice, of course. Humans seem to need it.

Do I exaggerate? Soon you can find out for yourself. IF my scribe can overcome his comma obsession.

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Meet Par Whack and Mr. Wimpy in Perdita’s First Video Book Trailer

Posted on October 22, 2012 by whacknoodle

Perdita's Book on Kindle FirePerdita Whacknoodle’s books are now available for the Amazon Kindle. And Perdita thinks she is one of the ONLY dogs in the world with a book trailer–a very short introduction movie.

Got 40 seconds? Have a look at the Who’s Who trailer for a preview of the main characters in Perdita’s books–Perdita, of course, and Par, Mar, Farmer, Mr. Wimpy, and Laura (who wrote it all down). Here’s the Who’s Who trailer

Perdita’s first two books are now available for the Kindle and any Kindle app. Her first book is The World According to Perdita Whacknoodle: the Thanksgiving Pageant of Doom and Other Stories.

And Perdita’s second book of unusual dog stories about her MOST unusual dog family is  The World According to Perdita Whacknoodle: The Flying Watermelon of Doom and Other Stories.

What could a dog story have to do with Thanksgiving? Aha! You’ll be surprised at what Par (Perdita’s father) plans to do at the school’s Thanksgiving pageant. And you’ll be MORE surprised at what happens when he steps on stage to join the actors.

You may have read a lot of dog stories, but you’ve never read any like these!

There are many characters in Perdita’s books–and lots of stories–but this short trailer will give you an idea of who the main characters are.

And, by the way,  some of the humans in Perdita’s stories don’t get along very well with the dogs. They especially don’t like Par.

But Par always wins. Always.

At least that’s what Perdita Whacknoodle says!

Is YOUR dog a Whack or a Noodle? When you’ve read these books, you’ll know.

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