Twas the Week Before Christmas

By Perdita Whacknoodle

Dedicated to my dear father,

Par Whack—the most adventurous dog

In the world

‘Twas the week before Christmas,

And all over the world,

People reading my books

Find their brains in a whirl.

They’re learning of Par

And his Christmas adventures

That went . . . not so well,

Despite his intentions.

They read about how,

When Par wanted a view

Of the feast down below

Things went badly askew.

And suddenly there was

A most shocking explosion

Of potatoes and gravy!

Great human commotion!

I’m saddened to tell you

That bad words were said!

Even VERY bad words

(From the preacher’s bald head!)

And then Mister Wimpy,

A most pompous man,

Was covered entirely

With sauce from the pan.

But Par kept his head

Amid all the confusion

He snagged the roast beef,

For he had no illusion

That even at this

Festive time of the year,

That humans would share

Their feast and good cheer,

With a dog, who by accident

Crashed to the table.

So he snatched the roast beef,

And when he was able

It was out the back door!

He was gone in a flash.

Amid hails of bullets that

Harmlessly crashed

All around him! But Par, he

Remembered to hide.

And to zig, and to lurch,

And to sprint to the side.

So all of the anger,

And all of the shouts

Meant nothing to Par

As he ran further out

Into the deep woods

To chomp down his feast.

He thought “Christmas is great!

And there’s SO much to eat.”

And when he was full

Of Farmer’s roast beef,

Par looked all around

From his head to his feet.

He was filled with the spirit

Of the warm Christmas season,

(And with good roast beef, too)

For the simplest reason.

For Par kept his head

As he crashed to the platter,

While the humans leapt up

To see what was the matter.

One thing that I’m saying,

My books always show,

We dogs are the smartest

Of creatures, you know.

So, the week before Christmas

There was gnashing of teeth

And yelling by humans

And screaming and grief.

But heard ‘round the world

There were chuckles and giggles,

And sniggles, and laughter

And quite happy wiggles.

And some people smiled

And were shocked at the notion

That Par’s little goof

Caused such an explosion!

For those readers who lay

All snug in their beds

With Kindles and ipads

Not far from their heads

They’ll get all the brilliance,

Incredible knowledge

That comes from my family

(And all without college!)

We are tellers of tales,

And spinners of yarns.

And that’s why my stories

Are filled with such charms.

It’s eons of smart dogs,

And wise dogs, and more,

Of explorers and rascals

You just can’t ignore!

So I hope you’ll enjoy

(As you lie in your bed

With your kindle in hand)

All the things that I’ve said,

And have visions of

Dogs who are bringing good cheer

To you and to others

All through the year.

As you read about Par

You’ll say,”What a sight!”

I say “Merry Christmas to all,

And to all a good night!”